Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Sadly…

My iPad was updating apps like crazy in preparation of the upcoming iOS 9 update and I dutifully started checking them to make sure they worked properly.  When I got to Tumblr, okay, the app looks good but my eye caught the very first picture of a guy with his face buried in another man’s crotch, his mouth full of dick and the caption said, “Thanks honey!  If you hadn’t been so stingy with the pussy, I never would have found out how good it felt to suck cock!”

I thought, “Wow, ain’t that about a bitch…” and then I thought, “I wonder how many women out there are worried about their man being on the DL but not giving one bit of thought that they may be the reason why homey is out there playing with dick?”  This isn’t the first time I’ve had this thought and, ladies, I don’t want any of you to think that I don’t understand some things about the way you go about having sex – or deciding that you don’t want to do it – because I do; this isn’t a condemnation of any kind but, yeah, the truth that some of you may not want to hear or even believe is that, for real, if you think your boy is on the DL, before you start busting his ass and packing to leave him, ya might want to find out exactly why he’s become a fan of dick… and I hope you don’t get too upset when he says you’re the main reason why.

Pretty fucked up, isn’t it?  I closed the Tumblr app and went to check the next one that had been updated but my mind was still on that caption and everything it implies and, yes, even if the guy in the picture didn’t actually utter those words.  I thought about how many times I’ve been with a guy and discovering that the reason why we’re trying to eat each other’s cocks off our respective bodies is because his woman has put the pussy on lockdown and he found, as so many of us do, that once she does this, good luck getting any of that pussy any time soon.  It doesn’t really matter why she declared the pussy to be off limits but, just as with anything else in life, everything has a consequence and it’s not always a good thing.

The thing that has always kinda fascinated me is that if a woman decides to be celibate – and for whatever reason makes sense to her – she expects her man to join her in celibacy because, of course, if he were to seek some sexual succor somewhere else, it’ll suck to be him as he faces her wrath.  I’ve had so many conversations with men who have been made celibate and have listened to them talk about just how unfair it is to them; some told me that when they mentioned this to their woman, they were stunned by her indifference when she said, “That’s too bad, ain’t it?” or some similar thing that has the effect of sticking a very large and sharp knife into her man’s heart… and groin.

Yep, some guys will accept having celibacy forced onto them because there’s always that chance that girlfriend will decide that fucking is back on the menu and they’ll wait… and keep waiting, sometimes for years and despite any frustration they’re feeling because they’re not getting any, they will remain totally faithful to her no matter what.  But you also gotta know that there are some guys who just ain’t gonna go along with this program; they’re not going to be content to wait for months or even maybe years before they see their woman’s pussy again.  They know that were they to go seek out new pussy, eh, chances are they’d get busted or, worse, start something that they won’t be able to finish with the new pussy – that and it’s a good bet that his celibate woman is just waiting for him to fuck up and go out and get some strange pussy.  Ah, but some guys get it into their heads that if his woman is on the lookout for any hint that he’s getting some pussy elsewhere, why, she wouldn’t suspect that he’s been slaking his lust with another man… would she?

Then it’s off to the DL they go; they might not be “into” some dude who wants to have sex but you can bet your ass that they’ll be into getting sucked off and being able to fuck somebody and, yes, those things alone are enough to override any homophobic feelings boyfriend may have harbored before his source of pussy dried up.  I’ve talked to some of the women who either suspected or discovered that her man was playing “Hide the Sausage” with some dude and, as you might expect, they weren’t happy about it to put it mildly.  The thing that has always got me to tripping is when they ask why he’d do such a thing – and just because she has no interest in having sex… and I’ve asked them, “If you stopped fucking him for any reason, um, exactly what did you think was gonna happen at some point?  And if you thought that he’d never so some shit like this, well, you obviously don’t know a whole lot about men, do you?”

The thing is, sadly, that women are well within their rights not to give up the booty if they don’t want to.  I’ve asked these women if they thought it was fair to their man to just stop having sex with them and making them wait to get some and they’ve said – and I gotta say predictably so – “If he loves me, he’ll wait as long as it might take!”

And I’ve replied, “Is that what you think?  You mean that you actually believe that, for one, it’s okay not to give him any pussy for years at a time and, for the other, that he’s not going to find some other way to clean his pipes?”  The most frightening thing is their answer:  “Yes – that’s exactly what I expect!”

Nope, ya sure as hell don’t know as much about men as you think you do, honey…  Now, not all guys who find that they’re not gonna get anymore of that good pussy any time soon will turn to other men for some relief; some will go find some new pussy and deal with the consequences later… but you still gotta know that by keeping that man out of your pussy, you just might awaken something in him that’ll have his dick in some dude’s mouth and/or ass.  You can blame him for being unfaithful, for being weak and not being able to hang in there until you deign to give up the box again; you can climb in his ass and berate him until you get blue in the face… but if you find out that the reason why he’s out there letting other men suck his dick is because you’ve cut him off from the pussy, um, does it make sense for you to shoulder some of that blame because if you hadn’t done what you did, he wouldn’t have done what he did as a response to your action.

What… you’re not buying this?  You should and you should believe it because, child, there’s what you think about this and then there’s what can really happen because you cut him off and, nope, I guarantee you that the two things have nothing to do with each other, nope, not like you think it should.  One woman who had cut her man off asked me, “How can I keep him from the down low?”  The obvious answer was, “Go back to fucking him; you know that’s what you should be doing, right?”

She said, “Yeah, but…” – and that, my friends, is a problem.  This whole situation can get totally fucked up because each person does know what’s expected of them in this and, in theory, there shouldn’t be any excuses – short of medical issues – for not having sex with each other… except the reality does say something entirely different, doesn’t it?  Whether you like it or not, if you’re not fucking your man, he might not be content to go without sex for however long you’re gonna deprive him.  Maybe he just ups and leaves you; maybe he goes out and fucks some other woman – and maybe even one of your girls just to be spiteful; but he could also get with a man who isn’t going to give him any excuses for not blowing him or letting your boy fuck him in the ass.  And, you betcha, he could very well be the one sucking down sperm like it’s ambrosia or moaning delightfully to feel some guy busting a nut in his ass… and if you’re reading this and thinking that your man would never do some shit like this, well, I’ll just reiterate the sentiment that you probably don’t know as much about men as you think you do.  It’s simple:  If you want to avoid having to deal with this, don’t put him in a position where he’d have to make such a decision.  Yes, I’ll remind you that I am aware of some of the shit y’all can go through that’ll make you not want to fuck your boy – but I am the one who’ll tell you that unless you have a medical reason for it, if you cut him off, there will be consequences and your boy playing with dick is just one of the many consequences that’ll arrive to fuck everything up.

You don’t have to believe me… but you should because I’ve been the guy who has sucked off many a man who felt that having me do it was better than being forced into celibacy.

Now, I’m off to wait for the iOS 9 update to hit my iPad…

 

On the Downlow

Before I even heard the expression, “being on the downlow,” I knew it existed and that there were a lot of men hanging out there, some to protect their image, some because going on the DL was the only way to get what they wanted.  There was a song by the Isley Brothers that first brought the expression to my attention and it was about a girl cheating on her man and the shit that jumped off afterward – I don’t remember the name of it right now but I do have it in my music collection… somewhere.  Anyway, suffice it to say that the DL just wasn’t for clandestine meetings with another man’s woman; it was also used by bisexual men looking to have sex with other men.

Unlike some gay men, it’s hard to see – visually – whether or not a dude goes both ways and some men have become quite expert in not giving away any signs that he’s anything but straight until all the planets align properly and he chooses to let his secret be known and, of course, with the non-negotiable condition that his secret continues to remain a secret.

My mind goes back quite a few years to where I lived in the project’s version of an apartment building complex and, in particular, the men who lived in the complex; not including me, there were eight other adult men living in the complex… and seven of them were on the guy side of the DL.  It took me a year living in the complex to discover this and, yeah, I’m pretty sure you can guess how I found out, huh?  I will also say that one of the things that definitely gave these guys away was their love of cheap vodka – Popov, in particular.  Hanging around these guys almost every day reveal two different things:  The shit they’d say when they were sober and the shit that came out when they were drunk.  When sober, it was all I could do to keep my facial expressions still when they started “bashing” the two gay dudes who lived across the street (they didn’t live together) and how scornful they were of guys who went both ways.  Ah, but let a couple of fifths of Popov get passed around and some different shit came to the front, like my learning that those seven guys had all spent quite a bit of time having sex with the gay guys across the street; of course, it goes without saying that those guys with women living with them had no idea that any of this was going on… but I also have to say that if the women did know, they kept quiet about it.

These guys always invited me to drink with them and, to be neighborly, I’d have a couple of sips of whatever hair of the dog they were able to afford – usually nothing but seriously bottom-shelf stuff – and the stuff usually covered with layers of dust.  One day, we were all hanging out in our usual spot and someone said that we should get some money together for a liquor store run… and the devil leaped upon my shoulders big time.  I told them to put their chump change away and that the first round of drinks was on me and I wasn’t taking no for an answer.  They accepted and suggested I get some Popov but, you see, I do like vodka… but I was “trained” to drink 100-proof Smirnoff by my uncle, who said that if you couldn’t drink it straight, you were a pussy.  I told the guys that since I was buying, I’d get what I wanted to drink and, if they were up to the challenge, they’d drink it as well.  Of course, I didn’t tell them what I was getting so it gave me a great moment of amusement when I came back from the store with two fifths of 100-proof Smirnoff.

They were all taken aback, just totally shocked about my purchase.  One guy actually said, “Holy shit, man!  Where’s the chaser?”

I replied, “What chaser?  I didn’t get a chaser – I drink my vodka straight!”  Ah, the looks on their faces were precious as I held out the first bottle for someone to open and you would have thought that I was handing them a bomb with the looks of timidity on their faces.  I had challenged their manhood and they really had no choice but to accept the challenge.  Given that none of them was used to drinking the good stuff, it didn’t take long for them to get buzzed out of their gourds; since I was so used to drinking 100-proof, my buzz wasn’t anywhere near theirs… and then some things rose to the surface.

I was having a side conversation with one of the guys about the virtues of Smirnoff versus that cheap-assed Popov when, out of the blue, he said, “I hope you don’t get offended but, uh, I been wanting to suck your dick since you moved in…”

I was surprised… although maybe I shouldn’t have been since I heard a lot of things he and the others said when drunk but I told him that I wasn’t offended by it and then waited to see what he was gonna say next.  He said, “Well, come on; my old lady’s at her mama’s house so we can do this now if you want to.”  In retrospect, maybe I should have played hard to get or act as if I was putting up a fuss about it… but the right thing for me to say in response was, “Okay, but I don’t believe that you suck dick so prove it…”

He made some excuse (and it was lame) about us going to his crib so I could check out something – I played along with it – and he had barely closed and locked the door before he was unfastening my pants in a hurry, muttering things like “I been waiting to get this dick for a long time!” and other such things.  He yanked my gear down, took a look at my cock, declared that it was really nice, and then  dropped to his knees and started sucking me as if I was his new favorite food.  He was good, too, and I was debating with myself about whether or not I wanted him to know that he wasn’t the only one who liked to suck dick and after weighing the pros and cons, I told him to get his dick out as well.  That seemed to shock him; I guess it didn’t occur to him that if I didn’t mind getting my dick sucked by another man that I’d want to do some sucking of my own.  But he pulled his dick out and we got right onto the floor and into a side-69.  It didn’t take him long to cum – he later blamed that on the booze – but I wasn’t all that disappointed by that as he worked even harder to get me off.  I told him I was about to cum – it’s still polite to warn someone about that unless you already know that they swallow – and he obviously liked to swallow because he didn’t stop until I’d emptied myself into his mouth.

He proclaimed that sucking me was better than he had imagined and we got our shit squared away and rejoined the group.  One of the guys looked at me and smiled knowingly before saying, “Yeah, I know what’s up!  He likes him some dick!”

All I did was smile; my smile got even wider when the guy who I’d just had oral sex with proclaimed – after taking a big swig of the 100-proof – “I ain’t the only one – you like dick, too!”

The other guy didn’t deny it and, oddly, the rest of them admitted that they liked dick as well.  One of the guys was someone I felt was of the rough-and-tough variety and I found myself blinking with some astonishment when he said that he preferred dick in his ass; the other men just nodded as if they knew that for a fact.  One of the other guys, who was now looking at me with a hunger I recognized, said, “I think my man here doesn’t mind some dick either, do you?”

“Obviously not,” I said with a wink as I cracked open the second bottle of vodka.  “Never did have a problem with it.”

Maybe it was the vodka but, suddenly, it seemed that the fellas really wanted to be somewhere else and it wasn’t all that difficult for me to figure out why they wanted to be somewhere else; they all had that dick-hungry look in their eyes and went off to do something about it, leaving me and the guy who was staring at me by ourselves.  He kinda stumbled over to me and asked, “Does your old lady know?”

“Yeah, she knows,” I said, glancing down at the erection in his pants.

“Damn, you’re lucky,” he said as I passed the bottle to him so he could finish it off.  “So, ah, when you gonna let me suck that dick?”

I wasn’t feeling any pain, if you know what I mean so I said, “Now would be a good time, don’t you think?”

He replied, “Damned right!  Let’s go to my crib!”

Off we went and, I gotta tell you, it wasn’t what I kinda expected.  First, he sucked dick like he was afraid of it or something; it wasn’t exactly off-putting but the way he was going about it reminded me of someone who wasn’t quite used to sucking dick yet.  He had a nice-sized dick, not that I cared about size but when I went to work on him, holy shit, you would have thought I was trying to kill him!  I had never had to hold a guy down in order to blow him before and he was a lot more vocal than I was used to hearing and more so when he was begging me to stop… but I knew he really didn’t want me to stop and, well, I just thought it was damned funny.

He came and, damn, he was acting as if he had never busted a nut before and I would have laughed if I could have at that moment when he said, “I don’t believe he’s drinking my shit!  Oh shit!  Oh shit!”  I lay back and started fucking his mouth with a purpose, taking some evil delight to hear him gagging from time to time even though I only had about a third of my dick in his mouth.  I gave him the warning and he stopped, looked at me with a really strange look  – and then sucked my knob back into his mouth, sucking hard on it while pumping my dick with his hand.  I blew up in his mouth and he reacted as if it was the first time someone came in his mouth (and I later found out that it was his first time swallowing).

I went home after that and, in accordance with the rules my wife and I were working under at the time, told her what had happened and we had a good time laughing about the whole thing.  The next day, we were all hanging out and I got razzed quite a bit for getting them all fucked up and making them drink 100-proof vodka.  I got the sense that within our little group, something had changed or I felt that it had changed because I was now a “member” of their little secret clique.  Nothing much was said about the previous night’s activities except one guy did make it a point to let me know that he was looking forward to sucking my dick soon.  The gay guys across the street were noticed and those guys went right back to riffing about how fucked up it was to be gay and other things that even I considered to be mild… and things I interpreted as them just showing the totem, letting the testosterone flow because, yeah, dudes are supposed to be totally against having any kind of sex with other dudes… but the truth lay just underneath their bluster and it was easy to see if you knew what to look for.

And, as expected, it wasn’t until they got drunk off of their usual Popov – I wasn’t drinking anymore of that shit – that the truth came to the surface and, of great import, the fact that none of their women knew that they were into men as well.  There was a sort of ‘sadness’ to hear them talk about how fucked up it would be if their women ever found out and how even more fucked up it would be since they wouldn’t understand that, for them, pussy wasn’t enough and no matter how good the pussy was to them.  They weren’t exactly kissing and telling but it became clearer to me that these seven men had more than just a passing carnal knowledge with each other but to look at them, you’d never really suspect it.  I think they were surprised to learn that I was into dick much longer than any of them; most of them got turned on to dick in their teens and the last guy I had sex with got turned on a couple of years prior to my moving into the complex – that explained much about his behavior with me.

I learned that now that I was a member in good standing in their little club, they weren’t too shy about wanting to blow me and it even kinda surprised me when they’d hit on me and they were quite sober, negating the thought I had that these men only got jiggy when in their cups.  The one guy who liked to be fucked wasn’t very happy with me when I told him that I gave up anal sex but he got over it even though he wasn’t beyond trying to get me to fuck him.  There were times when I felt… weird, for lack of a better word, to be talking to these guys when they were with their women and knowing that there was something about their men that I knew and, perhaps, they didn’t know;  their men were on the downlow and before the downlow became such a bad place to be but even back then, it made me wonder what, if any, choices did they have?  They weren’t like me and with a woman who knew I was into dick so if their women didn’t know – and telling them would be a very bad thing for them to do – their choices, in my opinion at the time, were simple and not so much:  Give up their desire for cock in favor of keeping the peace with their women… or do the most “logical” thing and get their fill of cock the best way they could.

One day, the women were out there pitching a bitch about some other couple they knew where the guy had gotten caught in the act getting his dick sucked by some other unknown guy.  They were furious and their men were very nervous as they listen to their women talk about all the nasty shit they’d do if they ever found their man in a similar situation.  From where I stood, it was hard to listen to the levels of violence they cackled about, from cutting their dicks off to one woman saying that she’d kill her man and wouldn’t think twice about it; it was difficult because I happened to know that some of those same women were on the downlow with each other… but that’s a story for another time.

 

Really?

Since I’m up and wide awake for some unknown reason, I took a trip back to that site that generated “Is This For Real?” just to see what other crazy shit I could see (as well as who had a dick pic).

This dude wearing a hoodie catches my eye – and his handle (which I’m not going to reveal) tells me right off the bat that this one is going to be funny.  I tap the screen… and he’s accepting applications for a boyfriend.  Say what?  Really strong preference for the “ideal candidate” to have his own place and a car; given that he’s 23, I’m guessing he’s living at home with the parents sans his own transportation other than our local transit system.

Twenty-three… and making demands to others to have their shit together… when I seriously doubt he’s got his own shit together.

Okay, it’s like an unspoken cardinal rule of such sites that if you’re gonna have a picture of your cock, don’t make it your primary picture.  It’s not that no one likes dick pics – again, I admit that I do – but on here, guys have primary pics of their cocks or their asses as if to say, “See?  See what I have to offer?  Ain’t it da bomb?”

Image via Wikipedia

Ah, hmm, not really.  Oh, don’t get me wrong – dicks are some nice things… but what you’re really telling me and anyone else who looks at your profile is that’s all you got going for you… and it isn’t enough.  See, when I was a kid and getting busy with this, the only thing that matter was whether or not you wanted to do this.  Being a top, bottom, or versatile didn’t matter – let’s just take our clothes off somewhere we can’t get busted for this and do what we gotta do.  The size and color of your cock – or the participants – had no bearing on what was about to go down – both literally and figuratively.

As I got older, I began to see that mindset was just as important as a guy saying yes to the sex; if you’re head’s not in the right place, the sex loses its meaning because while it is still just sex, um, that’s not all there is to it anymore.  Today, I can sit and look at profiles and, wow, talk about a train wreck!  What these guys don’t seem to understand is that you can be judged not only by what you write but how you do it… because the way you communicate says loads about you that the mere words don’t convey.

The one key and continuing vibe I get is one of impatience; a lot of these guys want all the perks but don’t wanna bothered with the details like taking the time to get to know the guy you want to do the deed with.  I saw, oh, nine profiles in a row where their owner stated they didn’t have time for this or that; give me what I want right now and fuck everything else!  A lot of profiles state that they’re tired of the bullshit and game-playing – and the fact that they’re even saying this is evidence of being impatient and unwilling to communicate at some intelligent level… and they’re wondering why they aren’t getting any action?

Some old saying about honey versus vinegar pops into my head…

Image via Wikipedia

I can admit that some of what I’m seeing just might be going way over my head; other than “adjusting” for the times, I still pretty much look at sex with another guy in almost the same way I have since it dawned on me that attitude matters – just keep it as simple as possible.  I actually asked my baby once if she thought I was now too old to keep being bisexual… and got my head handed to me (nicely).  I don’t pretend to understand this “new” bisexual/gay mindset although I do kinda understand that when you’re mostly operating on the DL, you can expect to be scraping the bottom of the barrel a lot more than ever before and in the hopes of finding the one really decent guy who only wants to be a friend – and suck your dick as a fringe benefit, if ya don’t mind?

How did sucking dick and being sucked get so bent out of shape and complicated?  Where did this mindset of “if you ain’t gonna do what I want you to do – and the way I want you to do it or you’re not a man” bullshit come from?  When did telling another guy what you’re into turn into what appears to be a list of demands made by a holed-up hostage taker?

My baby chides me for being so “old-fashioned” in my approach – and, sometimes, I think she’s right.  The simplicity works best for me and I figure that if these guys can make some of the most ludicrous demands I’ve seen in a long time, I can ask for the simplicity in this.  I really don’t care how big your dick is – I’m just not impressed; I don’t care what color it is or the body type of the person it’s attached to – it’s simply like this:  Is it clean?  Does it work?  Can I suck it?  If you answer yes to this, you’re going to get a blowjob from me and the sooner, the better.  Oh, you want to give me a blowjob?  Why, sure!  That would be rather grand and thank you for offering!

I was conversing with a guy on one of the swinging sites we belong to and he was questioning my bisexuality.  His thoughts were that I couldn’t be bi if I wasn’t fucking or being fucked… like having a love for sucking cock is chopped liver or something?  He questioned – or implied – that the reason I don’t is because I’m really afraid of it, to which I pointed out that I was pretty sure I’ve fucked more people in the ass than he ever will and have more than paid my dues being on the receiving end.  For a bit of time, he couldn’t get his head around the fact that I chose to take anal sex off my menu – and simply because I wanted to.

I even deigned to tell him why I did… and he didn’t get it.  What was funny about this is that, at least on the swinging site, he was a bi guy masquerading as a straight man… and he’d never been fucked or gotten his dick anywhere near a man’s ass; yet, he had the audacity to question my actions?

I bring this up to say a few more words (ha, ha) about this whole top/bottom/versatile thing.  Okay, I get the distinctions in this and, when I’m perusing the site, I actually look to see who’s a top and who’s a bottom – and, most of the time, I can tell just by what they wrote in their profile… after I translate some of them back into standard English, that is.  That there are more tops than bottoms kinda doesn’t surprise me and, yep, the tops all demand a bottom and the bottoms demand a top – but this makes sense if you understand the whole top and bottom dynamic.

So, um, if you leave me a note saying how much you’d love to fuck me in the ass – but my “orientation” says, “Oral” – not top or bottom or versatile, eh, why are you even bothering to say anything to me?  Likewise, if you leave me a note telling me how much you’d love to feel me in your backside, uh, go back and read what my profile says about this… and it doesn’t say top.

I mean, really?  Really?  Back in the day, okay, getting it up the butt was kind of given – and done equally, I might add.  But, if a guy didn’t want it like that, fine – we don’t have to do that and the sex commenced and it was no big deal.  Today, tell a guy you don’t want to fuck him or be fucked by him… and that becomes a problem all the way around.

I actually got into an “argument” with a guy who is/was a stone-cold bottom; his was entirely the feminine role in all of this.  Admittedly, his profile appealed to me – and he had a nice dick, too – and chatting with him was delightfully intelligent.  But, as we approached the negotiation phase and I told him that all I wanted to do was suck his dick, he went bananas about it!  I mean, I just didn’t get it!  If I’m with a woman, hell, she expects me to go down on her, right?  My logic says, hmm, if you’re firmly in the feminine role here, then, um, going down on you is called for… right?

Apparently not!  He said I could do anything I wanted to him… up to and including some stuff I’d never dream of doing to another human being (unless they really pissed me the fuck off)… except that.  This modern-day behavior bothers me – as if you couldn’t tell already.  It really makes me wonder just what the hell happened or if I really did miss something.

Or maybe, just maybe, I really am now too old to deal with this foolishness – because foolishness is exactly how I see what’s going on today with bi and even gay guys who are, for whatever reason, living and fucking and sucking in the murky shadows of the DL.