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Why Be Bi?

11 Dec

With my bias fully in place, one answer – which is another question – is simply, “Why not?”  Another question would be a bit more involved:  “What price are you willing to put on your sexual pleasure?”  Or, yet another:  “Why put limits on yourself about pleasing and being pleased?”

For some, sitting on the fence begins with yet another question:  “Is this all there is to sex?  Is there nothing more that can be done?”  Okay, um, that was two questions… but I do hope you’re following right along.  There is, of course, the intellectual understanding that there is more that can be done and high up on the list are those things sexual that can be done that ain’t just boy/girl.  Indeed, it is said that a lot of people have experimented with bisexuality, mostly during their younger days – pre-teen or teenage – while many more have taken the plunge later in life, like in their 40s, 50s, and even 60s.

People who put one leg over the fence aren’t thinking about being in a relationship, aren’t particularly worried about being labeled, aren’t suffering some sort of identity crisis – they’re looking for more out of sex, something else they can do that will continue our ongoing pursuit of sexual pleasure.  It’s interesting to note that young experimenters aren’t all that worried about how others are gonna look at them because they’re testing the sexual waters; likewise, older, more mature folks are usually way beyond giving a shit what other people think about how they get their rocks off because it’s just sex and sex that’s made more interesting because it bucks the system and y’all know we’re all taught that we’re not supposed to do that.

You know what I’m gonna say next, don’t you?  Just because we’re not supposed to do it doesn’t change the fact that its being done.  When I read about the objections to being bisexual, some of them make me laugh while others are very real concerns but nothing in life is without risk and I get that some folks would rather play it safe.  It kinda gives me a bad case of the giggles to know that some people would rather be bound and gagged rather than to suck cock or eat pussy; it makes my eyebrows want to crawl up my forehead and regrow my Afro to read how people so firmly believe that having sex with a member of the same sex (MOTSS) isn’t possible without a relationship being in place – then gets me laughing again to learn that they’re not really all that opposed to casual sex.

People can come up with a plethora of reasons why giving bisexuality a shot isn’t a good thing… but I think the real challenge here is whether or not they can come up with reasons why it might be a good thing to add to their sexual portfolio and more so if, in the back of their minds, the question of “Is this all there is?” is roaming around in there.

Sexuallycurious, in his recent blog (http://bisexualexploration.wordpress.com/2013/12/10/sex-and-drugs-and-rock-n-roll/) got me thinking about things one can do to enhance their sexual experiences… and taking a trip to the bi side every now and then is what I’d call one of the possible enhancements.  I remember reading a long time ago a little something that said that if you are content with the way things are going, then something must be wrong, the assumption here being that we should always try to get as much out of life as possible and while we still have the ability and chance to do it because, as a minister I greatly admired used to preach every Sunday, our days are numbered and finite.

People like to take bisexuality to the extremes, like, for guys, it’s always about someone getting fucked in the ass… but the truth is more along the lines of experiencing the pleasure of a blow job (or getting one’s rug munched) that fits that ‘craving’ for something more than just boy/girl sex.  Not that some guys (in particular) don’t go there, mind you, but getting into a 69 session with someone is a lot easier to deal with than having to worry about all that pain and discomfort everyone mentions about being ass-fucked.  Not all women who take that trip to the bi side break out enough toys and strap-ons that they could start their own toy superstore; no, they can find pleasure in some hot foreplay and some even hotter oral sex – and with some judicious use of fingers applied.

So why not?  Obviously, that’s a question that only the individual reader can answer; I’m just putting this out here because (1) it was on my mind and (2) I don’t have a problem challenging people’s thoughts and feelings about sex to get them thinking about how they look and think about things sexual and, in this case, bisexual.

One life.  One chance – and a limited one at that – to enjoy sex in a way that has nothing to do with the status quo… but everything to do with one’s pleasure.  Age and other ailments can and will rob one of their desire and ability to have sex and, personally, I just think it sucks to have to sit back after your desire and ability has been taken from you and then be asking, “Why didn’t I do (add something here) when I had the chance to do it?”  Or be in one of those “Am I gonna die?” moments and find yourself thinking about all the shit you haven’t done and the reasons why you haven’t because I can tell you from personal experience that when you have reason to believe that this might be it, you can think of a whole lot of shit that you could have done… but chose not to do and you find that some of those reasons don’t make a lot of sense right now.

I like to think that if I weren’t already bisexual, when I had my first “oh, shit!” moment, I’d be bisexual once I realized that, no, this ain’t the end… but there’s some sexual shit that needs to be done and purely for the experience and the pleasure.  I really did think about this during my first “oh, shit!” moment and remember laughing at myself when I muttered, “Well, good thing I’m already like that…”

Someone asked me why I’m bisexual and my answer is simple:  I’m not willing to let our morality limit the pleasure I get and can give.  That same minister I mentioned earlier also loved to remind us that tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone.  If anyone or anything is going to limit my orgasmic fun, it’s gonna be me because, yeah, even in this, there are some things I’d think three or four times about doing and I’d never say that I wouldn’t do any of those things in some unseen future.

What price do you put on your sexual pleasure?  What limits are imposed?  How do you answer the question, “Is this all there is?”  Are you content with the same old-same old?  Don’t have much of a sense of sexual adventure?  Being held back because of what other people may think or say?  Or are you just afraid?

Why be bi?  Why not?  What do you have to lose?  Oh, yeah, I can hear folks saying to their screens, “Well, you can lose your life – duh!”

And it’s true… but you’re gonna lose your life anyway – duh.

Maybe they’re saying, “It’s immoral!”

Yeah, it sure is – what else is new?

Maybe they’re saying, “But I don’t like men/women like that!”

Who keeps saying that you have to… and why do you persist in believing that you have to?

Perhaps they’re rolling their eyes and saying, “Fuck that motherfucker!  I know I can’t have a relationship with a man/woman!”

Again, who says you have to… and why do you keep believing that you have to?

Maybe they’re saying, “I don’t know if I could ever do some shit like that…

I say you never know what you can do until you try.

Could be someone’s thinking, “I tried that shit years ago and it just wasn’t for me…”

Okay, I can feel that… but that was then – this is now, so what does that have to do with anything?

There’s a chance they’re saying, “Shit, I ain’t gay!”

Well, fuck, neither am I – what’s your point?

Nah, I’m not trying to convince one and all to take that plunge – I leave that to the sexual fanatics to do; I’m just emptying out my head and doing my best to make people think about something they’re not allowed to think about, either because someone told them they aren’t allowed to think about it or they’ve managed to convince themselves that they’re not supposed to think about it.

 
16 Comments

Posted by on 11 December 2013 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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16 responses to “Why Be Bi?

  1. drea1974

    11 December 2013 at 21:57

    Well father, I feel like this was very well said. As a bi female, I wish that you would have covered this part of the sexual experience with me when you taught me and your son’s about sex. I have tried 3 times to explore my bi side with no luck. I found women that wanted to receive but not give on all of my trials. I now find myself still wanting this experience but just not having enough fire and desire to continue to search. My spouse encourages me to keep searching and supports me, but for now I will enjoy my plain old “boy/girl” 😃

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    • kdaddy23

      11 December 2013 at 22:07

      Well, darling daughter, a lot of women are more into receiving than giving, something even I’m finding out these days and I understand it (to a degree); it’s kinda the same thing where some guys love to be blown… but won’t return the favor – they’re afraid of being seen as gay and usually give every excuse under the sun to get one to believe that being seen as gay isn’t the reason why they’re not doing things in a give/take fashion.

      I would encourage you as well because it’s never a simple thing to find people who see thing the way you see them, that have the desires such as you do and, most important, aren’t selfish and self-serving.

      You say you’ve only tried three times… and I know people who have tried all of their lives to find either that one person or more than one that will suit their needs – and you know how I feel about giving up, right?

      So what I said stands: You never know what you can do until you try and you, like so many other bi folks I’ve run into, should not be willing to accept failure… or are you trying to tell me that there’s something a child of mine can’t do?

      Hmm?

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  2. rougedmount

    11 December 2013 at 22:27

    i fully support bisexuality. it’s been offered to me many times but it’s just not my ‘thing’. my excitement comes from the masculine men with 5 oclock shadow and big rough hands; it comes from them being a foot taller than i am with broad shoulders, hairy legs and deeper voices. it comes from that glorious appendage i do not have and dearly love, that no woman has. nothing to me is more physically artistic and beautiful as an erect penis , a close second is a soft one. the thing is…you just like what you like and so the mixture is individual to each person.

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    • kdaddy23

      11 December 2013 at 22:43

      Hiya, Rouged, and, yeah, I hear that a lot from people and it just makes me smile because having it offered is always one thing… accepting – and despite your preference for a hard, thick erection – is something entirely different.

      Bisexuality isn’t a replacement for whatever a person deems to be tried and true for them; if anything, it’s an adjunct, that something else they can do and enjoy as well as whatever their ‘normal’ preferences are.

      Like I said, I’m not trying to change anyone – I’m not that kind of bi – but there are many people out there who need information, people who need to know that whatever they’re doing now isn’t the only thing they could be doing if passion, lust, and orgasms are those things they seek.

      I know of women who have gone bi who have that same preference for men as you do – and the don’t regret it because while a rough masculine man certainly can get the job done, sometimes a woman’s tenderness is a welcomed respite.

      Like, I know guys who live and breathe women… and they’ve gone bi for a few reasons, not because women don’t get it done for them but simply because in some things, guys just do it differently.

      Not because they had to (that’s different) but simply because they could because there’s no such thing as too much pleasure. They’ve learned to appreciate the differences between the male and female form – I’m with you in that a hard cock can be a thing of beauty – don’t know about those rough hands, though.

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      • rougedmount

        11 December 2013 at 22:55

        grin..the idea of soft and tender makes me shiver like a cold towel was draped over my shoulders. i seriously believe all people are on a sliding sexuality scale that’s balanced on a ball in a pail of water. i think it moves over the course of your life and is never the same from day to day let alone year to year. i love the idea of two men together. as a matter of fact, i would love 2 bisexual husbands and i could be their cream filling

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      • kdaddy23

        11 December 2013 at 23:06

        It should make you shiver… but not in the way you think it would…

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  3. drea1974

    11 December 2013 at 22:52

    I’m a Morton father, we don’t know defeat nor do we accept it. This is something I can most certainly do, but I am choosing not to search until I am ready and sure I don’t have a “lemon”. There is always my Newport News girlfriend, just got to convince her to come see me lol.

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    • kdaddy23

      11 December 2013 at 22:55

      That’s the spirit! There are a lot of people who don’t quite understand that being bi doesn’t mean going out there and trying to get with everything moving – it’s also about being smart, making the right choices and the right decisions at the right time, too – so you don’t wind up with a spoiled lemon; an unspoiled one you can make lemonade with…

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  4. lifeofalovergirl

    12 December 2013 at 00:05

    I’ll have fun with women, and I enjoy it in the moment, but at the end of the day it’s just foreplay to me and I need a dick to be satisfied. Just sayin…

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    • kdaddy23

      12 December 2013 at 00:33

      It’s not a means to an end, like being fucked good and hard – it’s simply something to enjoy. But you, unlike a lot of women, have at least taken the plunge and doing so doesn’t take anything away from your primary preferences – men. And that’s fine and you know I give you beaucoup props because you’re not afraid to get yours.

      But for those people who are asking themselves, “Is this all there is?” they often behave as if they don’t have any choices, that there’s no different kind of pleasure they can partake of… and there is. Stuck with a guy who can’t or won’t eat pussy or a woman who can’t and won’t suck cock? There ain’t an app for this (that I know of) but there’s something else one can do other than sticking with the same old dissatisfying sex or going from bed to bed trying to find that elusive magic or, yeah, looking for even more magic than they’re currently experiencing.

      Doesn’t matter what one’s main staple is; if you can get more pleasure in different ways, why not? The thing is, my friend, a whole lot of people can think of why not… but a whole lot of people can’t think of one reason why they should – it reminds me of Chris Rock’s joke about the same old cracker. I’m not even trying to say or imply that people can’t be totally happy with their sex lives being straight… but if they aren’t, then it’s not because there aren’t any alternatives even though their principles are telling them that they don’t have any choice but to keep trying to get it right.

      Like I said, I’m not trying to change minds – if anything, I want people to think about what they’re willing to do for their sexual pleasure and how high of a price they put on it. And all because of a conversation I had with another blogger who is looking for a more enriching sexual experience.

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      • lifeofalovergirl

        12 December 2013 at 00:45

        True. I kind of wish I had thought of that all those years with my ex who wasn’t into oral, lmao! Or sex!! I could have at least gotten something 😉

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      • kdaddy23

        12 December 2013 at 00:57

        I know; a lot of people ‘cross over’ for just that reason or, in Rougedmount’s case, a lack of sexual interest by a partner. Some see it as an act of desperation, that they’d embrace one of mankind’s taboo for a shot at pleasure that’s being denied them by ‘normal’ means. They’ve asked, “Is this all there is?” and they’ve found that the answer is no – it isn’t. I’ve seen people go both ways and have it revive their straight-sex life because they themselves have been revived and, yeah, you actually learn a bit more about sex if you’re into the nuts and bolts about it.

        I personally know people who had said that throwing down like that would never, ever do anything for them… and I’ve seen them get their minds changed, seen the utter surprise on their faces as they’ve experienced orgasms never felt before. Before they got their eyes opened, they either convinced themselves or someone else convinced them that having sex like that wasn’t worth it, that it wasn’t as satisfying and trying to check it out was a waste of time… until they found out otherwise. I have had guys tell me, “I don’t know why I never tried this before!”

        I might write something else about this later on today – there’s a thought forming!

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  5. larryarcher

    12 December 2013 at 22:53

    Even as a straight guy, I say what’s wrong with it? My wife is seriously bi and but it doesn’t appeal to me for some reason. While I have nothing against it, guys just don’t turn me on. Plus as woody Allen once said, Being bi doubles your chance for a date on Friday night.

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    • kdaddy23

      12 December 2013 at 23:03

      Guys don’t turn me on either, Larry… but the prospect of sex does. People misunderstand: You don’t have to be “into” someone for this; hell, you don’t even have to like a guy like you like women for this. What you do have to like is the sex, oh, like getting your cock sucked and being made to feel like you’ve had the life drained out of you when you cum.

      Sounds simple… and it is IF one is able to get their head around this liking thing that seem to be the standard of the day for people when bisexuality is the topic of discussion. I say to straight people (in particular) that if you think you know it all and have done it all, nope, you haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of all that sex has to offer.

      I’ve said to practitioners of BDSM that they’re willing to do some shit in the name of sexual gratification that make most people want to puke their guts out – but suggest that they suck some dick or eat some pussy and most of them are the ones who want to puke.

      Really…

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  6. Caliguy

    1 April 2014 at 00:01

    Just wanted to chime in on the subject and give you props for a fantastic blog — well written, courageous, interesting, and thought-provoking. After years of fulfilling hetero relationships (I’m in my mid-late thirties), I began to acknowledge a slight curiosity in exploring the other side. I live in a very progressive city that greatly supports alternative lifestyles, and in many ways is a sexual utopia — thus, I’ve confronted with these existential questions of sexuality on a fairly frequent basis.

    So, after much reflection (and a close encounter a couple of years ago), I allowed myself to cross the threshold late last year and do a little exploration with a bisexual acquaintance/friend of mine. In many ways, it was the perfect time in my life (single and open to a new experience), and he was an ideal candidate for me: an older black gentleman (mid-50s, young looking and acting) who I really connected with and admired on many levels. Like me, he’s very masculine, confident, charismatic, and straight-acting; we met at an art gallery party — a friendly event with lots of mingling. Since then, we’ve socialized over drinks with mutual friends and alone, and I’ve learned much about him and his bisexuality, finding myself increasingly intrigued.

    To cut to the chase, he once asked rather bluntly whether I’d be open to a threesome with he and his girlfriend, as they found me attractive. It never happened, as his gf travels quite a bit for work. Nevertheless, weeks later, he and I met again for drinks — and as we were about to part ways, he asked if I’d be interested in going back to his place for a nightcap. I nervously agreed, somewhat fearful but knowing well that somewhere inside, a curiosity about this man had been steadily growing and could no longer be ignored.

    As I’d suspected for a while, the feeling was mutual: we had an awkward but necessary conversation about my ripening curiosity back at his place. He offered his perspective and reassurances, and before I knew it, we were both disrobing. He had a great, muscular physique for his age, and as we sat next to each other in our briefs, our attraction was natural and undeniable. For the first time in my life, I let a man play with my cock, even as I fought to override nerves and years of societal programming. Thus, he had to nudge me to stroke his impressive cock, but it was shortly thereafter that I became aware of a very palpable electricity between us – a spark of raw lust that I hadn’t felt with a woman in a while. He was very patient with me, so we moved slowly: bodily exploration ensued, then a long oral session, some 69, and a bit more before we realized that the night had sort of slipped away in the midst of this sweaty, naughty, interracial romp.

    While I’m still processing the experience a few months later, I can attest to a sense of introspection and liberation that has accompanied it — the breaking of a barrier; the shattering of some great taboo. It may sound like it was a bit of an impulsive move on my part, but the truth is that the desire had ripened long ago — not because I longed for a loving relationship with a man, but because I’ve grown to realize that I don’t want irrational societal rules to prevent me from living a complete life. I’ve been madly in love with women before, and will again, I’m sure, but that doesn’t mean that sex with the right man can’t be a safe and enjoyable experience.

    In closing, let me just say that, in retrospect, what happened that night offered some unexpected lessons, not the least of which is that there is a fine line between admiration and attraction. This wasn’t the revelation of some kind of latent homosexuality; it was a new dimension of sexual fulfillment. Underneath the nerves, it was easy, natural, and erotic. And you know what? He and I both prefer pussy, but were courageous enough to act on a different sort of attraction that will never threaten to erase our heterosexual desires.

    Thanks for reading, and thanks for sharing your insights via this blog, KDaddy!

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    • kdaddy23

      1 April 2014 at 01:04

      Welcome, Caliguy, and while you thanked me for writing this, I should be thanking you for sharing your experience and thoughts – and I do thank you! I read what you wrote and I thought, “Wow, that was pretty fucking cool!” Was it impulsive on your part? Doesn’t sound like it but even if it was, the thing is that you didn’t run screaming into the hills.

      To that, I say bravo, sir! Please feel free to come back and read my blog again and to add your comments – they are greatly appreciated!

      Like

       

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