Today I find myself reflecting on a bunch of stuff I’ve learned, beginning with the understanding that despite all my experiences, more bisexual things take place in my head than anywhere else which, of course, is the thing that makes me say with conviction that bisexuality isn’t just about what you do to – it’s about what’s going on in your head. It’s also one of the things that, in my little bio for WordPress, I caution people to stay out of my head if they find they have issues with the contents because, shit yeah, there’s more shit going on in my head about my sexuality than I could ever actually do and a lot of what’s in my head just ain’t for the faint of heart.
I’ve learned that the biggest and hardest part about being bisexual isn’t trying to do something about my duality – it’s managing myself. I’ve learned so much about life, loving and, yes, sex that there are times when I take a step back from myself, look at all this stuff, and ask myself, “What the hell?” – and then I start to realize that, okay, I’ve done a lot of stuff but there are bisexuals out there who make me look as if I haven’t done anything and, yeah, I happen to know a couple of them personally and, yeah, they can make me say, in reference to them, “Holy shit!” I’ve learned and done so much that there aren’t many things that’ll surprise me so, uh-huh, if the two guys I know can make me say that, you know they’re into some heavy-duty shit.
Thinking, not doing, has been one of the biggest things I’ve learned and while the “general consensus” seems to be that bi guys are just slavering, mindless, and lust-crazed motherfuckers running around trying to stick their dick into anything that’ll be still long enough for us to bust a nut or two in them – and I ain’t saying that there aren’t bi guys who do fit that description – it’s not what one might do; it’s how one uses their ability to think and manage their sexuality that has the greatest impact. It’s being able to understand that while doing can be fun (and, sometimes, not so much), it’s about being able to integrate a plethora of things into one consolidated view of who you are, why you are the way you are, what can be done, should be done and, most definitely, what can’t and shouldn’t be done.
To steal a famous line, “With great power comes great responsibility…” One may not think that there’s either great power in being bisexual or any great responsibility but I can assure you that there is when it comes to life, living, and loving. While one should be aware of whatever they might do as a bisexual, one must always be aware of the potential that exists in every one of us, the possibility of what we could do if we could and sometimes, when I look at my own potential as a bisexual – that which I am more than capable of doing, damn, that’s some scary-assed shit!
Back in the day, I was a rather impulsive bisexual; if it could be done, well, fuck, I just had to do it and, yeah, sometimes, without giving a whole lot of thought about any possible consequences of my actions. The fact that I did have to not only deal with the consequences of those actions but also be very mindful of them was, in and of itself, one of the most important things I learned. I could, say, suck a dick and have one hell of a time doing it and all that… but before I did that, I was aware of the consequences I could think of and I learned to be very much aware that I could suck that dick and nothing other than getting a mouthful of cum happened… but that pleasurable act could have consequences down the road… and I might not be the one who was impacted.
That became quite evident and apparent when I got with a guy and it was his first time and he told me that what we did was going to change his life forever… and his statement made me think about something that, up to that point, I had never really given any thought to. It was the singular event that caused me to give much thought to and, eventually, allowed me to develop the philosophy that says, “Think first, then do if you must – but be ready to deal with the consequences of your actions.” Yes, this is a life lesson and not one particularly tied to sexuality… but my bisexuality taught me this lesson “faster” than if I’d just be heterosexual – I think I was 13 or 14 when this happened, when I became aware that I had to do a better job of managing myself, to think first rather than just being overly impulsive about whipping my dick out – and just because I could. I learned that what I didn’t do could be a lot more important than what I might have done, that just because you can do a thing doesn’t mean that you should do it. Again, this is a life lesson but one that being bisexual taught me early on… and, yeah, I sometimes find myself wishing I had learned this one before I went cock-crazy, not that I didn’t have a lot of fun being that way, mind you, but still…
In my older incarnation, I’ve seen that there are some people who think that bisexuals – and male bisexuals in particular – are indiscriminate and irresponsible and perhaps it’s because we can have sex with men or women… but this doesn’t take into account that there are “quite a few” male bisexuals who have only had sex with women. I learned that one of the “best” ways to make this particular stereotype “go away” is to, in fact, not be as indiscriminate and/or irresponsible about what I might do. I learned that while the social perceptions of bisexuals is a very bad one, I can’t let those things fuck with my head; if I spent more time worrying about what society thinks of me as a male bisexual than I did keeping myself squared away, I’d probably be one seriously fucked up individual. I learned that, yes, I should be aware of what’s being said but I just cannot let those negative things affect the way I think or what I might do.
Nope – yours truly is far from the poster child or a model for being a “good” bisexual because I’ve been there and done that so much that it’s kinda embarrassing at times. I came here to WordPress and started talking about being a male bisexual (and other things) because I learned that there are many male bisexuals out there who, unlike myself, haven’t figured this crazy shit out; there are guys who might be getting themselves into trouble with their sexuality; there are married guys who might be running into the troubling complexity of being bisexual but in a situation where expressing themselves in this way is forbidden and not a cool thing to do. I learned that there are a lot of women who have encountered bisexual men and are wondering, “What the fuck?” and don’t quite know what to do about this guy because they love them, want to be with them, can’t afford to throw them away – but they don’t understand this dick thing they have going on with them. I learned that I’d be truly irresponsible if I chose not to share what I’ve learned and, at least in my opinion, that’s more heinous than anything I’ve ever actually done because I could have made a positive difference in someone’s life… and chose to remain silent about it.
I’ve learned that there’s a new generation of bisexuals out there and the way they look at their sexuality is very different from how I’ve experienced it but, then again, I also learned that, yup, there’s some shit I know about this that they’ve yet to learn and while they have the advantage of having tons of written stuff on the subject – and stuff that, on the whole, doesn’t make a lot of sense to me no matter how hard I try to absorb it – they’ve yet to learn that even being bisexual, experience is the best teacher and that bisexuality isn’t purely an intellectual exercise… but by sharing what I know, well, maybe it will make a difference for them, maybe it won’t change a thing for them but, um, if you don’t know, now you know and a lot of what I have to share isn’t always couched in theory.
Being a male bisexual doesn’t make me a bad person – a very important lesson learned. I’ve learned that my desire to have sex isn’t really the driving force behind my sexuality – it’s my curiosity that makes me want to dive headfirst into all of this and to answer the most important question any bisexual can ask themselves: Why? I know why I am the way I am; I know how I got there, what I’ve done, and I’ve learned when not to express my desires for dick. I’ve learned that I could love a man, have a relationship with him and that despite what I might think, maybe something more long-term may not have been as easy as it seemed. I’ve learned what kind of bisexual I am, that I don’t have that emotional affinity for men but I do so very much like dealing with their dicks – but understanding that it’s always about the guy attached to it. I’ve learned how the things I’ve learned with men have their counterparts when dealing with women and, yep, I’ve learned a lot of the things women have learned about men and, nope, some of those things aren’t what I’d call good at times.
I’ve learned so much… and, yet, there is still so much more to learn. Being a male bisexual isn’t just about getting your dick hard and making it soft again with someone: It’s learning to be the best person you can be as you manage your sexuality.