Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Allure of Cock

“Man, shit, there’s something going on with me and I don’t understand it.”

His voice was worried; I could hear the stress clearly and even thought that he might be ill but decided to wait a moment to get the details straight from the horse’s mouth so I replied, “You wanna talk about it?”

“I think I need to,” he said, sounding just a bit relieved – but not a whole lot more.  “But not on the phone, okay?”

“Sure, whatever you want – you wanna meet somewhere?” I asked, wondering what could be bugging him so badly that my usually loquacious associate didn’t want to talk on the phone.

“Let’s get some coffee and donuts – I’ll buy,” he said after a moment.  “Dunkin’ Donuts in ten minutes good for you?”

“I’m on my way,” I said after a glance at my watch; since I was on call, I grabbed my case with my laptops, made sure my phone and pager were fully charged, and then hopped in the car.  As I made my way to the place he wanted to meet, my mind was chugging away trying to get an idea of what had spooked him but gave up after a few seconds,more thought being that I’d be there in another two or three minutes so I’d find out then.

He arrived a minute or so after I did, shook hands in greeting, and went inside to get coffee and donuts but as I was looking for a place for us to sit, he was heading for the door, tossing a, “Follow me…” over his shoulder.  I hustled to my car and rushed to keep up with him as he tore out of the parking lot then turned right at the light – I knew where he was going; there was a park a little way up this road and, sure enough, he was turning right into the park’s entrance, zipping into a parking space, and was out of his car like it had bitten him.  I parked next to him, got out, and followed him as his walked toward a bench that sat under the shade of a huge oak tree; we sat down, took a few sips of scalding hot coffee, and I waited with barely contained patience to learn why we were here.

Then I found out.  He started out by reminding me that he and his girlfriend of five years had broken up a couple of months ago and after she had swiped his credit card and got her and “a friend” a couple of tickets to Nassau and as I remember what he’d said about that, wow, that was some ugly and very nasty shit that eventually landed her in jail for her troubles.

He was silent for a long moment as that memory washed over him and I said, “I’m thinking that’s not why we’re sitting in this park on a hot-assed day, is it?”

“No, it isn’t,” he said, his voice so low I almost couldn’t hear him despite sitting right next to him.

“Okay, so, why don’t you tell me what’s going on before my pager goes off or something?” I asked, keeping the question light and humorous even though it was obvious to me that whatever was eating at him, it was serious.  It took him a minute or so to start talking but he did…

He told me that about a month ago, he was home watching some porn and jacking off when he somehow noticed this instead of fixating on the woman being screwed, his focus was on the dick of the dude fucking her and how turned on watching the guy’s dick had gotten him; after a long pause to bite a donut and wash it down with coffee, he even admitted that he had busted a huge nut and couldn’t remember such an event ever happening like that before.

Okay, now I knew what this was about but instead of jumping to a conclusion, I really did want to hear what else he had to say.  He went on to tell me that, at first, he didn’t place any significance on that moment except being really horny and not that long removed from his relationship… but he said that over the next few days, it was like he couldn’t get that guy’s dick off of his mind; not only did he watch that particular flick a few more times, he’d even gone out and purchased some gay porn – that made me blink even though it was another piece of confirming information for what I was thinking and more so since I’d known him long enough to know that he was “as straight as a laser beam.”

As he talked about watching the gay porn – and something that, honestly, I hadn’t thought he’d even think about watching – I watched his body language as he tried to get the words out of his mouth; this was embarrassing him big time but he managed to tell me that he was having a hard time believing that watching dudes suck and fuck each other had turned him on so much.

I kinda shrugged and said that, yeah, it’s been known to happen – and then I asked him why was he telling me this.  He said, “Because you’re probably the only person I know who won’t think that I’m crazy because, uh, because – damn it – I got this urge to suck a dick!  Am I crazy?”

I told him that he wasn’t crazy and that I appreciated his confidence and trust in me to tell me this.  I told him that it’s not really all that unusual for a guy to “suddenly” have an urge to do this and that sometimes it goes away as fast as it appeared… but sometimes, it hung around and, no, I wasn’t sure why it didn’t pack up and leave.

As expected, he said that he doesn’t even like dudes like that but also said that he couldn’t deny what he was feeling, either; his next question didn’t surprise me one bit since I knew it was in the way:  “What should I do about this?”

I replied, “I dunno… what do you want to do about it?”

He countered with, “What would you do?”

A moment of truth for me – he didn’t know I was bisexual and I took some long microseconds to decide how to answer his question – and finally said, “I’d check it out.”

Of course that shocked him but he recovered quickly – I almost laughed as I thought that had I not been looking at him, I never would have seen the look on his face – and I settled in for the barrage of questions I knew was coming, well,matter his mind finished digesting my unexpected answer.

He surprised me by saying, “Wow… so I’m not crazy, am I?”

“Not in my experiences,” I said with a shrug.  Wait for it…

“So, um, have you ever…?”

“More than you’d probably believe,” I said.

He just nodded, either to my answer or to whatever was going on in his head at that moment.  His body language was relaxed, as if a great weight had been lifted from him although the erection I was acting like I didn’t notice was causing him to squirm on the bench a little.

“So, what, are you suggesting that I gotta suck a dick?” he asked.

“I’m suggesting that you need to decide for yourself if the urge to do it is real or not,” I said.

“What’s it like?”

“It can be a lot of fun most of the time,” I said, shrugging again.

“Uh, damn, dude, um, what if you’re doing it and he, you know, busts a nut?”

“That’s kinda the point of doing it,” I said with a laugh.

He blinked as if that never had occurred to him and the question I knew he was gonna ask next showed up:  “Do you swallow it?”

“Most of the time I do, sometimes I don’t… – depends on how I’m feeling,” I replied as I watched him processing all of this.

“How long…?” he began to ask and I kinda cut him off by saying, “A long time.”

It seemed that a blanket of total silence had descended on the park as we both sat there thinking, occasionally sipping on coffee that was now cold and taking bites from our donuts that had lost just a bit of their freshness.  I didn’t know what he was thinking within this odd silence but I was thinking about what his next questions might be and, yeah, giving some serious thought in the direction being asked to participate in a first-time moment.  No, I wasn’t really looking for that but I’d learned over the years to never discount it; I was also thinking about whether or not I’d agree to it – sometimes, it’s not in the other guy’s best interests to do it with anyone.

But I wasn’t gonna commit to anything unless he asked so I just sat there sipping cold coffee and watched him think and, yes, still acting as if I hadn’t noticed his erection or the wet spot on his pants just about where the head of his dick apparently was.

“You’ve given me a lot to think about,” he said.  “I thought I was losing my mind or something – shit, I thought I was turning into a gay dude!  But you said this isn’t really unusual for some guys.”

“No, it isn’t,” I said.  “This can hit a guy for a lot of reasons and sometimes out of the clear blue sky; it can be very confusing because they know they love women and pussy but getting turned on like this doesn’t make sense.  Most guys shrug it off and ignore it like it never happened… but sometimes it just sticks with a guy and can drive them to do something about it if they can.”

“I take it this ain’t the first time you’ve had this conversation,” he said with a laugh.

“Nope,” I said, laughing as well.

“Do I even wanna know how  many times you’ve, ah, broken a guy in?” he asked.

“Probably not,” I said.

“I thought so,” he said, after taking a really deep breath.  He looked at his watch just as my pager went off; I reached for my phone,media led the number being displayed and tried not to sound annoyed to hear there were two servers having issues that required my attention.

“Duty calls,” I said, standing up and stretching… and acting as if I didn’t notice him staring at my crotch.  He thanked me for taking the time to listen to him and for being honest with him.  We got into our cars, him off to wherever he had to be, me back home so I could “dial in” and get to work on the problem I was called about.

I heard from him again two weeks later when he told me that even though he had tried hard to ignore the allure of cock, he gave into it and that I was right – sucking a guy’s dick was a lot of fun even if the taste left something to be desired at times.  This time he wanted to know if it was normal for a guy to suck dick for the first time and then go crazy doing it – he confessed to have sucked eight dicks in the two weeks since we had talked that day in the park.

I assured him that this, too, was normal and that, no, how long that lasted differed from man to man.  And, yes, we did eventually do each other – but that’s another story for another time…